S03E003, Handling Divisive Issues, Marriage Matters
In the third episode of this series of Marriage Matters, Andy B and Jo take a look at the subject of things that might cause disagreement in our relationships. Let’s face it we can’t always agree on everything and that could mean arguments, heated discussions, or challenging communications.
At times in our marriages, we need to manage our differences in opinions and deal with our different approaches to life. There is probably no end to what we might disagree on and nay include subjects like politics, money, parenting and food choices to name but a few!
This week, Andy B reads finds wisdom to tackle divisive issues and reads:
-
Proverbs 20:3
-
2 Timothy 2: 23-24
-
James 4:4:1-3
-
Ephesians 4:26
The Take Away
Andy
Andy noted the importance of taking time out to be with God for a finite period of time when arguments are not being resolved or are escalating.
Jo
Jo was struck but how much wisdom and guidance can be found in the bible to assist us in dealing with conflict and issues in relationships.
Andy and Jo
Download
Transcript
[00:00:00] Andy B: Well, hello and welcome to another episode of Marriage Matters. There's been a bit of a gap, but we've been super busy, so that's all okay. So what I'm gonna say right at the very beginning, if you want to know what's going on with the BerryBunch, there are two things that will really help you.
[00:00:24] If you go to BerryBunch.org, you'll find a calendar towards the bottom of the homepage. Go onto there and you can see what's coming up. We try and keep that as accurate as we can mostly, okay.
[00:00:35] And the other thing you can do is to go to the little tab that says newsletter. Sign up to the Newsletter, and we'll send you a weekly encouragement. It's designed to inspire and encourage you, tells you a little bit about what we've been doing, what's coming up so you don't miss it. But most importantly, it's there to encourage you and inspire you in your days.
[00:00:53] Jo: I think actually Marriage Matter is also here to encourage and inspire. And, and Marriage Matters [00:01:00] is 'cos we care about marriage. We've been married for 25, 26 years. And, and going on.
[00:01:06] Andy B: Are you sure?
[00:01:07] Jo: Yes. And so we wanna talk about all things marriage and so our topic today this was your choice, wasn't it? And we are calling it Handling Divisive, Issues. I can't say it. Divisive.
[00:01:22] Andy B: Are you blaming me or are you thanking me? This is the question.
[00:01:24] Jo: And my understanding of that is that things that divide us, things that can cause I suppose, friction, difficulties, dare I say arguments,
[00:01:33] Andy B: there are things which will create contention.
[00:01:37] Jo: Yeah.
[00:01:38] Andy B: Tension.
[00:01:39] Jo: Tension.
[00:01:40] Andy B: And so what are some of the most common ones? So money is probably the one of the classic ones. Even the wedding day. Are we gonna invite these people? Are they gonna sit on that side of the room or that side of the room? Even before you get to saying I do, you can have lots of arguments. And the Bible has quite a lot to say on [00:02:00] how we should be and also on what we are doing with our arguments,
[00:02:05] Jo: What we do with them.
[00:02:06] Andy B: Yes.
[00:02:06] Jo: Because we are going to argue, you know, we are human. We have our own thoughts and feelings and that's fine. And so we're not always going to agree, but there are specific things that can be particularly devisive, particularly difficult, I think in-laws can be a problem.
[00:02:21] Andy B: Oh!
[00:02:21] Jo: Politics, if you have different politics. What are you gonna do with your time? What are you gonna do with your holidays?
[00:02:27] Andy B: Free time.
[00:02:28] Jo: Absolutely.
[00:02:29] Andy B: Jobs, careers, pushing.
[00:02:30] Every,
[00:02:30] Jo: Anything and everything could be divisive, but you know, what might be more difficult in your relationship? Maybe you haven't quite discovered it yet. You're on an early part of your journey. Maybe you're not married yet. Or maybe you're still in that honeymoon period. Or maybe early on you knew and understood what those difficulties were. And I guess that's what's marriage preparation's about, isn't it? Is preparing yourself. 'cos marriage isn't this lovely jubbly, you know, you know what? The fantasy fairyland kind of, kind of happening. There are difficulties, [00:03:00] aren't there? There are issues that can happen.
[00:03:02] Andy B: It takes a lot of work to make a marriage work. It doesn't just randomly happen. I mean, we celebrate 27 years,
[00:03:08] Jo: thank you,
[00:03:09] Andy B: this year of marriage and we haven't got here by happenstance and accident. It's taking a lot of work on our part, a lot of efforts, some good days, some bad days, some arguments, some agreements. And we will be celebrating 27 years of marriage.
[00:03:25] But it's been a long journey to get here because there have been some very big divisive issues. Like Jo said, in each of our lives, we're gonna have those things which are more personal to us. It could be for you that where do you go for your first Christmas, you know. Which parent is gonna win that battle of where you're gonna come to hours, of course. And they can put immense pressure.
[00:03:45] Breastfeeding. You're gonna breastfeed. What do the in-laws say? I used to do a breastfeeding workshop with some midwives for several years. The biggest source of contention, chatting to, I'd say about 20 to 30 new mums every three weeks was [00:04:00] the mother-in-law, of the husband to be, saying, oh no, obviously you're going to bottle feed, aren't you? And the immense pressure they went under. And one of the things I was able to say to them is, you need to be able to confront your mother-in-law and say, this is not your child. You have a child. That's my husband!
[00:04:14] So that's one of the things that we would say. And it's, it's really important that there are gonna be specific issues in your life. Now that one a particular problem for us. Yeah. You get the odd bit of griping, whatever, what you're doing. But that wasn't a really a big issue for us.
[00:04:26] Christmases were quite contentious because we have, we came from divorced families, you're not talking about two sets of families now. You're talking about three. And you might have four, if both of your parents are both got remarried.
[00:04:39] Jo: You know what, I'm just thinking that marriage is a journey and there are rough parts and rough parts of that road that, that you can imagine at a road that you are on. But if you had a really smooth running journey, I could be quite boring.
[00:04:51] Not to say I want arguments and contention and difficulties, don't get me wrong. But sometime I've heard that families don't argue. They don't like conflict, [00:05:00] and you hear about it and you think, what kind of marriage? What kind of relationship is that?
[00:05:03] Because sometimes people shy away from it and they go, right, and they sort of go into their own corners, you know what I mean? So, you know, it's good to, to deal with these issues, isn't it?
[00:05:13] Andy B: Yeah. It's not like we're saying that it's good to have arguments . Because the Bible has quite a lot to say. We'll come onto that in the next segment. But actually if you, if, if you've got two people and you agree on everything, then that's quite a boring relationship. And you are not going to agree on everything! There are going to be differences of opinion!! So what we are saying is not always really good to argue. Isn't that a better marriage? What we're saying is if you never disagree on anything, then there's very little passion there. And actually passion is quite a good thing.
[00:05:41] Yeah. You can get over passionate, you can get argumentative. You can get violent I suppose, ultimately, but actually it's, it's okay to have disagreements and that's partly what we're saying is disagreements are okay. What that level of disagreement is. Well, there's, there's, that's what we're gonna talk about today and what's, what's not okay. And what does the Bible say on it. As ever what [00:06:00] does scripture teach us about these things?
[00:06:02] Jo: Definitely. And it's, it is, I mean I suppose it involves emotions, doesn't it? You know, we talk about emotions are, are, are difficult at the hardest times, but in a relationship 'cos we all know so much about each other. Especially if you've been traveling this journey a long time. You and I have been doing this 27, nearly 27 years. I'll get it right soon.
[00:06:21] But we know how each other tick and we could wind each other up. And and we can have those emotions that get involved with some of the issues, so.
[00:06:29] Andy B: When you're married for a long time, you are better able to more ablely, more aptly, more helpfully support your spouse. You are also far better at destroying them. Double edged sword. We'll talk about that more in a moment.
[00:06:46] Jo: Family prayer time. So what is it, Peter?
[00:06:50] Well,
[00:06:50] Peter: it's well, me and mum or, well Jo we look at, we find a subject for a prayer, so maybe it's Psalm or a country. And then we pray as we feel [00:07:00] led. And Bob's uncle.
[00:07:02] Jo: Excellent. Yeah, absolutely. It's Family Prayer Time. Me and Pete pray together and we'd like you to pray as a family. So join us for family prayer time.
[00:07:29] So in this episode of Marriage Matters, we are talking about handling divisive issues. So we're talking about those things that divide us and cause problems, cause quarrels, cause arguments. And as we said earlier, it will cause we do will have arguments, we will have disagreements, but it's how we manage it, what we do about it. And, as Andy said earlier, the Bible has a lot to say about it.
[00:07:54] Andy B: Yes and it's okay to disagree. And I think that's worth just restating one more time. It's okay not to agree on [00:08:00] everything.
[00:08:00] So you have a child, your first child comes along and they want to go out to a particular group. You may have a disagreement on what group they go to. Well, I want 'em to go to scams. Well, I want 'em to go to to Boys Brigade or Girls Brigade or, well actually I think football or, or ice skating. Even that can be divisive because then you end up arguing about what your child's gonna do. And there's all these different things.
[00:08:21] But actually when you've got two differing viewpoints, it's either a weakness or a strength. And with God's help, it's always gonna be a strength because you'll actually be able to discuss things. So.
[00:08:33] Jo: What you got?
[00:08:34] Andy B: Proverbs 20 verse 3.
[00:08:36] Jo: Yep.
[00:08:37] Andy B: I was gonna read verse 2, but that wasn't quite right.
[00:08:39] Jo: Ah.
[00:08:39] Andy B: I'll go for verse 3.
[00:08:40] Avoiding a Fight is a mark of honor. Only fools insist on quarreling.
[00:08:48] It's painting a picture. We got some more.
[00:08:50] Jo: Yeah. Yeah. 2 Timothy 2. 23 to 24.
[00:08:54] Andy B: Two Timothy Chapter 2,
[00:08:57] Jo: 23 to 24.[00:09:00]
[00:09:00] Andy B: Again, I say don't get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights. A servant of the Lord must not quarrel, but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach and be patient, with difficult people.
[00:09:15] And difficult people is what you think of as your other half in the middle of an argument.
[00:09:21] Jo: So, I mean, it's interesting we're saying it's okay to disagree, but the Bible's telling us not to quarrel. So there's a difference isn't there in disagreeing and quarreling, isn't there?
[00:09:31] Andy B: Well, this is talking about foolish, ignorant arguments. So it's okay to have a disagreement. This is what we keep on saying. You know, as Christians we're not supposed to go around saying, oh, well I agree with you because you know it's okay to, I'll, I'll just do what you want to do, and I'll, I'll, sorry. I'll just submit to that. And actually it's good to have a difference of opinion and actually to bring that forward. Because as Christians, one of the things I think is really important, and I think there should be in our marriages, is we need to be able to stand for what is right.
[00:09:57] But standing for what is right and standing for what is [00:10:00] principally right. Maybe that's slightly different. And standing on principles can generate arguments. Well, I'm right cuz you are wrong. You can be right and be wrong at the same time.
[00:10:08] Jo: Do you know what I was thinking about then? You know, when you're drawing a line, the idea to get, the better way of getting a line is to draw three dots, isn't it? And they all might not be in the same position, but then you use all three to get that line.
[00:10:20] Andy B: Okay.
[00:10:20] Jo: So I'm just thinking about how if we disagree on something, will you find a negotiation? You find a a happy medium, but actually it works better, doesn't it?
[00:10:29] If you, if you take what I say and you take what you say, and we pull it together, You actually get better than if you go one way or the other. Do you see what I mean? And it's, I dunno why, but that line helped me to think about those dots making that line straighter. A better line.
[00:10:42] Andy B: Not heard that one before.
[00:10:43] Jo: No, I just made it up. It just came to my head.
[00:10:45] Andy B: Oh fine. I mean, two of the, two of the classic ones, there are some sort of common, bigger, contentious issues.
[00:10:51] Money is one that we've always struggled with 'cos we've not had lots of money. When you don't have lots of something, it becomes a source of an issue.
[00:10:58] The other one is sex. That's [00:11:00] always gonna be somewhere in there. I mean, you get into marriage, oh that will never happen to me. There's some classic stories of, you know, the wife to be well, I'm more, I'm always gonna, you know, make love to my husband and there'll be no problems. And then tiredness comes along and, and you know, this is why it's good to talk about these things through and actually have an, an ongoing open conversation about stuff.
[00:11:18] Money, because you can spend differently. We can have a sense of saver and a spender. Here's the thing. If you look at that in one sense, well, that's opposite, and you're gonna have problems. Or you've got somebody who wants to save, which is great, and somebody who wants to spend, which is great because actually spending your money while you're alive is a good thing. Saving for other things, that's a good thing.
[00:11:39] But if you get too much on your high horse, on your principles, you end up losing so much time together because you've argued, or you are arguing, and you don't forgive, and you don't move on.
[00:11:49] Jo: Yeah. Arguments can be counterproductive, can't, they? Can actually make things worse. It's good to discuss, it's good to disagree and work stuff out, but once you get into that [00:12:00] sort of argument point, then you, you almost forget what you were arguing about, don't you really?
[00:12:04] Andy B: Third, is there a third one?
[00:12:05] Jo: Oh, yes. Oh, James. James puts it straight. James 4, 1 to 3.
[00:12:13] Andy B: What is causing the quarrels and fights among you?
[00:12:16] We've used this one before.
[00:12:17] Don't they come from the evil desires that war within you? You know what you don't have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can't get it so you fight and you wage war to take it away from them. You don't have what you want because you don't ask God for it. And when you ask, you don't get it because your motives are wrong. You want only what gives you or what will give you pleasure.
[00:12:45] And here's next one for you. Don't let the sun go down on it on your anger.
[00:12:48] That's a bad paraphrase. We're gonna have a break in a moment and like I'll, we'll come back and talk about that one in particular. Because having a foolish fight is a bad thing! Standing on what's right is [00:13:00] a good godly principle. And somewhere between the two of those is where it can go wrong is it not.
[00:13:05] Can you think, for the next segment, can you think of maybe one of the bigger arguments we've had?
[00:13:10] Jo: Okay.
[00:13:11] Andy B: We'll, we'll have a, I'll have a think. I'll a think we'll have a little break. We'll come back and we'll tell you about, 'cos this is about Real Talk. We're not just gonna say, well, theoretically people can argue. We wanna talk about the realities we've argued. We've had some bad arguments and some good arguments. And we want to help you learn as we continue to learn from you, and from God about what He says about how marriages can be better, bigger, and stronger.
[00:13:31] So let's take a break.
[00:13:38] Steven: So, endurance. Wait, no, first, I'm Steven.
[00:13:42] Nathan: I'm Nathan.
[00:13:43] Steven: And we're brothers actually.
[00:13:44] Yeah, in
[00:13:45] case you
[00:13:45] Nathan: hadn't noticed.
[00:13:46] Steven: Yeah.
[00:13:47] Nathan: I mean, I know the much more masculine physique on this side may have thrown you off.
[00:13:53] Steven: Yeah, I'm actually older.
[00:13:55] Nathan: Yeah.
[00:13:55] Steven: Taller, stronger, fitter..
[00:13:59] Nathan: Maybe. [00:14:00]
[00:14:00] Steven: Oh, definitely.
[00:14:02] Nathan: Anyway, that's not the point of Endurance.
[00:14:04] Steven: No. It isn't!
[00:14:04] Nathan: It's spiritual training not physical?
[00:14:06] Steven: Yep. Yep.
[00:14:06] Nathan: Not that we, obviously we don't compete that much.
[00:14:09] Steven: Nor spiritually. You shouldn't compete spiritually either.
[00:14:12] Nathan: No.
[00:14:12] Steven: No.
[00:14:13] Nathan: But I'm better than you.
[00:14:16] Steven: I dunno what to say to that.
[00:14:18] Nathan: There is no, no answer.
[00:14:20] Steven: So the point of Endurance is all about wanting,
[00:14:22] Nathan: Taking the mick out of each other.
[00:14:24] Steven: All about 1 Timothy four eight, which says Physical training is good but training for godliness is much better. And so it was an idea, which, I think it was my idea actually, wasn't it?
[00:14:36] Nathan: It was a joint effort. There's no I in team.
[00:14:38] Steven: Yes, so it was definitely my idea.
[00:14:40] Nathan: Yeah.
[00:14:41] Steven: And the idea being that we have to, well I was challenged cuz basically I enjoy exercise. I was doing lots of weight training, lots of running, and I was getting a bit, hmm, obsessing.
[00:14:52] Nathan: You were failing to train spiritually.
[00:14:54] Steven: Yeah. Yeah. You could say that I was idolizing physical fitness rather than,
[00:14:58] Nathan: So we created Endurance to help him [00:15:00] learn better how to balance spiritual and physical training.
[00:15:04] Steven: Yeah. Basically. Okay.
[00:15:07] Nathan: Because I've already cracked it.
[00:15:09] Steven: No, no.
[00:15:11] Nathan: No?
[00:15:11] Steven: You've got a long way to go yet. So go check us out.
[00:15:17] Nathan: I can see a light. Yeah, the end of the tunnel. I mean, you, you're way behind.
[00:15:28] Steven: Cut.
[00:15:30] Andy B: So we are back for the last segment of Marriage Matters today, looking at Divisive Issues and how we deal with those and what they can do. So I said before the last break about this very well known, don't let the thunder down in your anger. So this is from Ephesians 4. And this is actually verse 26 is the part I was thinking about. And it says,
[00:15:54] And don't sin by letting anger control you, don't let the thunder down where you are still angry for [00:16:00] anger gives a foothold to the devil.
[00:16:03] Jo: Whoa!
[00:16:04] Andy B: So it's quite serious when you get angry and when you get that rage upon you, I'm gonna be right, I know I'm right. And you can be right in principle. But you can be wrong before God, because your being right is so full of anger, and hatred, and pride, that your being right is wrong. So when you are right, you need to be right in love. And that's where this comes from.
[00:16:30] Just one really quickly and then we'll see if Joe can come with a bad, bad row we've had and how we dealt with it eventually. We're thinking about anger. That doesn't mean to say that if you're go to bed at 10 o'clock, and you've not agreed the argument, that you stay up for seven days until you're so exhausted that now you are just being nasty to each other. I would say let's keep this a little bit more in context. And, yeah, don't go to bed before you know it, it's good to say sorry before you go to sleep.
[00:16:54] But at the same time, you need to measure that with other things in life. You don't wanna be dealing [00:17:00] with that on the way to work, in the middle of the traffic jam, because that would be a bad time to sort it. So apply a little bit of wisdom there. A little bit of grace. Do you know what, let's have a sleep. We're gonna deal with this. We're not just gonna walk away from this. We'll deal with this tomorrow. Let's just pray, love each other. You know, sometimes that might be more appropriate just to cool off a little.
[00:17:16] Jo: Yeah. So the, the argument that popped into my head, random, is when we were deciding. So we moved house and deciding where we were gonna have the lounge or the dining room. And arguably it doesn't really matter what happened in the end, but it was the, the process, wasn't it. And so even before we got here, we were arguing, we were getting quite passionate, we were getting quite upset about it.
[00:17:42] And we were really at loggerheads where, 'cos there were two ends of the room, and one could be the dining room, one could be the lounge. And I, I, I just was getting very upset and frustrated that you couldn't understand and see that my way made more sense. And you were feeling the same way, weren't you?
[00:17:59] Cuz [00:18:00] both of us had Oh, good arguments either way for where this ought to be. And we did get quite upset and quite enraged and, and it got a bit silly really, didn't it? That we would be arguing. We hadn't even got to the house and then it continued when we did get to the house cuz we hadn't resolved it had we. So I remember that one.
[00:18:18] Andy B: The thing that I remember about a few arguments over the years, is how much time I've lost.
[00:18:23] Jo: Yeah.
[00:18:24] Andy B: Or rather how much time we've lost. Because you're arguing and we, we've talked in previous episodes about how tiredness can generate random arguments that have no, no basis on anything other than tiredness. So sometimes getting a decent sleep might be the best cure for your your marriage.
[00:18:41] I mean, don't just, I'm going to bed, slam the door and wander off. But actually, right, I need to get some sleep. Let's deal with this tomorrow. You know, talk about it in a simple way, but sometimes sleep is the one thing that you need that can actually deal with all sorts of stuff?
[00:18:53] We're not talking about that necessarily here. But yeah, I, I remember a few big ones over the years. You hadn't been married very [00:19:00] long and there were some big arguments and I decided that 'cos you didn't wanna kiss me one day, I wasn't gonna touch you at all. And it just escalated into this huge thing. It was about six months. First, you know, was it second year, third year of marriage. We barely spoke to each other, barely touched each other at all. I dunno how that was resolved. I think God got involved fairly heavily eventually.
[00:19:18] But this is the problem. Things can escalate to the point where you, you are no longer thinking rationally. Now it's like, yes, but I was right os look at what they've done and it's just, this escalation. And actually the whole thing about being a godly brother or sister, 'cos as much as Jo is my wife, she's also my sister in Christ, is, she's also a daughter of Christ, daughter of God. And, As such, if I'm being offensive to Jo, her dad is, is God in that sense. And that's quite a good reminder for me.
[00:19:48] There are reasons to be stressed. I mean, when we came here we were very stressed because we were very short of money. It was a massive move! It was many, many hours. It was like a five and a half, six hour drive from where we were. [00:20:00] We were on our own, no one to help us. Middle of Covid. It was really stressful. So there was loads going on and it's very hard to take a step back when you're in the middle of a big bust up.
[00:20:10] But actually, if you come before God, and, and you say, look, God, what am I gonna do? Sometimes that little bit of a time away would be a little advice for me. It's not about going away. It's not about, you know, slamming the door, driving away. That's not great. But it is about saying, look, I, I need some time.
[00:20:26] And actually, if we respect each other, then we can separate for a time, very finite, fixed time of perhaps 10 minutes, half an hour, go for a walk or something sensible. But, actually, sometimes you're using that little bit of separation, not separation for a week or a month. That's just irresponsible and stupid.
[00:20:44] However, if it's just gimme half an hour, I just need to get myself before God and get myself right. That would be appropriate. And again, it's exercising wisdom. It's checking with scripture. It's not about being nasty or using that to further hurt the person.
[00:20:56] Jo: I'm just thinking about that whole idea of the little P under the bed, isn't [00:21:00] it? Yeah, I know it's a pit princess and the pea to find out whether there was, she was a princess or not. But it can be used in relationships and we often talk about the High and Low game that we play from Story of Us with Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeiffer, isn't it? And he refers, I mean, I'm not recommending the film,
[00:21:17] Andy B: There's some ripe language.
[00:21:18] Jo: There's some ripe language. but they are having many, many difficulties and arguments. They almost, you know, they do split up, don't they? But you know, but they do get back together again. But it's just how that argument ensues. And then he says, you know, we haven't got a pee. We've got a massive watermelon.
[00:21:35] Andy B: Yes.
[00:21:35] Jo: Underneath our bed.
[00:21:36] Andy B: He described it slightly differently, but yes.
[00:21:37] Jo: But like you're saying, it's these issues that continue and continue and get bigger and bigger and bigger, and you need to deal with them. So it doesn't go from a P to being a massive watermelon as an analogy goes.
[00:21:48] Andy B: Yeah. And sometimes you just gotta deal with it. You have to just sit down and think, we don't wanna have this conversation, but we need to have this conversation. You need to just, I mean there's, you know, if you've got other people you can talk to, that isn't always the option. Maybe you don't feel [00:22:00] safe to talk to other people about the situation, 'cos you think, well, they're just gonna judge me or say what I don't want to hear. It's great to have other people, but it's about respecting the other person.
[00:22:09] And sometimes my advice will simply be this, just take a little bit of time away from each other. Not a day, a week, a month. That's irresponsible, I believe. But, half an hour just to cool off, go and have a cup of tea, chill. Go and pray, read the scriptures. That can be really, really good because in itself that can help sometimes. You know what? We just need some sleep.
[00:22:25] Yeah.
[00:22:26] Jo: Well, you're supposed to do a takeaway, aren't we? For this?
[00:22:28] Andy B: Yes.
[00:22:28] Jo: So what's your takeaway?
[00:22:30] Andy B: That was my takeaway. Is sometimes you need to exercise a little bit of wisdom and restraint. Do you know what? Let's just have 10 minutes apart. Let's go and pray. Not let's separate from each other, but let's go and spend some time with God, would be my, would be my suggestion. That's my takeawayWhat about yours?
[00:22:44] Jo: I know, I, I'm trying to think, I'm racking my brains. I just love the how straight the scripture is, and I love the fact there's lots to help us in scripture, actually.
[00:22:53] Andy B: Don't let the sun door down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.
[00:22:59] It's not [00:23:00] exactly, you know, calm, nice, happy Christian stuff, but this is what happens if you get angry. It makes you more rage. The more enraged you get, the more right you get, the more angry you get, the more violent you can eventually become, because you're allowing the enemy into your marriage.
[00:23:14] And one of the other things I've heard, which is really good, just come to my mind is when you are arguing, forget don't forget, you're supposed to be together against whatever problem you've got.
[00:23:24] Don't allow a problem to become a way of arguing against each other. Because actually you need to be dealing together with whatever problem you gotta face.
[00:23:30] Jo: That reminds me of the film of War Room. You said you're fighting the wrong battle, isn't it?
[00:23:34] Andy B: Yes.
[00:23:34] Jo: If you, if we're fighting each other, we're supposed to be on the same team.
[00:23:38] Andy B: Yeah.
[00:23:39] Jo: And we're going about it. We're we're arguing wrong, she said in the war room, you're arguing wrong if you're fighting against each other, 'cos you're supposed to be on the same team.
[00:23:47] Andy B: Totally agree. Well, that's another episode. We're still monkeying around with the timings of all this. Let us know if you have any thoughts. Is it too short? Too rushed? Too spread out? I dunno. So thanks for joining us. We'll be back again in a couple of weeks for some more. Will [00:24:00] it be a couple weeks? Hmm? Might be three weeks. We've got a big festival coming up. We haven't done a festival before.
[00:24:06] So thanks for joining us today. Take care.
[00:24:09] Let us know what your thoughts are. If you want to you can get in touch of this through the website, BerryBunch. org. Bye for now.
[00:24:14] Jo: Bye for now.