S01E019, Let’s get physical, Part 3, Marriage Matters
Introduction
In this week’s Marriage Matters, Andy B and Jo do some more straight talking about sex in marriage – ‘Let’s get physical’ Part 3 – would you believe it! The focus is still on the good stuff and the benefits of a healthy sex life in marriage!
Jo recaps from the last episode, having covered frequency of sex in marriage, expectations, and false messages that we bring into our marriages, the advantages of a healthy sex life in marriage and Jo’s favourite memory of sex in her own marriage to Andy B.
In Part 3, Andy B and Jo move on to moods and feelings towards sex. Did they open a can of worms or was this a helpful discussion – find out for yourselves!
It’s the same scripture verses as the first ‘Let’s get physical’ episode, all relevant, all apply and good stuff!
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Matthew 19:6
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1 Corinthians 6:18
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1 Corinthians 7:5
You could also check out the celebration of sex in the song of songs!
Tips and Resources
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Read Song of songs in the bible
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Read ‘The Message of the Song of Songs’ by Tom Gledhill to help you understand this book on sex in the bible – yes in the bible!
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Read ‘Sex, Romance and the Glory of God’ by C.J Mahaney and/ or
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Read ‘Feminine Appeal’ by Carolyn Mahaney
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And finally if this was not enough why not check out ‘Hot, Holy & Humorous by J.Parker
The Take Away
Jo notes the need for sensitivity on both sides when it comes to being ‘in the mood’.
Sex is so good that Andy B and Jo realised they need to do it justice and plan to come back with Part 4 of sex to get physical again!
Andy B and Jo
Download
Transcript
Andy 0:22
And, welcome to a another episode of the awesomeness of Marriage Matters. My name's Andy.
Jo 0:27
And I'm Jo.
Andy 0:28
And I'm Andy. I may have said that! So, welcome to Marriage Matters. And we're looking at, what's the topic again?
Jo 0:35
Let's get physical. Part three.
Andy 0:37
Let's Get Physical part three. But as ever, if you want to know what's going on with all the stuff that goes on with BerryBunch, which is many, varied and awesome, you can like us on Facebook, you can subscribe to our YouTube channel. We're also on Twitter. Come and tweet along. I Won't sing, and we're on Tumblr as well. but the best thing you can do is sign up to Berry Bytes, our weekly and monthly newsletter. And it's Berry Bytes with a Y.
Jo 1:04
Why not?
Andy 1:05
Because why not? So there you go. Let's Get Physical.
Jo 1:09
Yeah, so we're
Andy 1:11
Part 3!
Jo 1:11
looking at, yeah, we're looking at sex in marriage, intimacy, and we just couldn't do it justice in one part, or two parts. So we're on a third part!
Andy 1:20
Yes. And there'll be a part four as well.
Jo 1:22
There will be. And we, in part, last part, we looked at frequency of sex.
Andy 1:28
Yes.
Jo 1:29
Expectations that we bring into our marriage and false messages. We obviously looked at the advantages of a healthy sex life. And that comes throughout the sessions, really. And I shared one of my favourite memories.
Andy 1:42
You did!
Jo 1:42
And you'd have to go to Session Two, part two, to hear what that was.
Andy 1:47
Indeed.
Jo 1:48
Yeah. So, this time, we thought we'd look at moods and feelings around sex in marriage. That could, that's quite a big subject, really.
Andy 1:57
What part do feelings and moods have, and should they? Or should they not?
Jo 2:01
Obviously, God's best for us? We talk through that. And the second part, if we get time, because we, you know, these are big subjects, vulnerability. The importance of vulnerability. So those are the kinds of areas we're trying to look at today.
Andy 2:15
Nice, gentle things to look at.
Jo 2:16
Yes.
Andy 2:17
So that's, that's Let's Get Physical. And that's what we're looking at today! A little bit of the Bible, which I have.
Jo 2:24
Yes.
Andy 2:24
And we're going to look at it from a slightly different perspective, as I very briefly read this out. And it's from 1Corinthians chapter 7, verse 5, which says this
Andy 2:34
"Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent, and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self control."
Andy 2:47
And I find it fascinating. We can look at that scripture in all sorts of ways. But the one we wanted to look at tonight is why does Paul go to such lengths of saying, 'don't stop being intimate together?' Because by saying that he's also, therefore, saying it's important that you're having regular physical intimacy. So why?
Jo 3:06
Yeah, I think that's the point of looking at sex in marriage. We want to look at the good side of it.
Andy 3:11
Yes.
Jo 3:11
Too often, sex is seen as something bad or ugly, or you stop doing it when he hurried, which is ridiculous. But we know that, from the Bible, God has given us sex to enjoy and to have in marriage. And so, hey, it must be good, because God is a good father and gives good gifts!
Andy 3:30
And Paul makes the point that we shouldn't stop. So why would we stop? Well, it's for prayer, for a very brief period of time. It's about both people agreeing. And it's for a short time, and that's important. But what does a short time look like? Well, that's kind of up to you in your particular situation. What is short, what is long? How long is a piece of string? This is the point? We don't know. So that's what we're looking at today.
Jo 3:52
Yep.
Andy 3:53
Nice, short, easy, little episode. Trying to make this a normal conversation because hey, sex is part of life. If you are alive and breathing, you're here because of sex. So it's a normal part of life. So that's Marriage Matters today. So shall wehave a little break?
Jo 4:05
We shall!
Andy 4:06
Okay. Cool!
Andy 4:09
In 2018, Jo and I were full time children's ministers, loving what we were doing, and wanting to share our resources freely with others to use. Scroll on two years to 2020 and we'd finally launched our BerryBunch.family website chocked full of resources. It was a bit embarrassing when we had one video. But we've now got nearly 500 videos for you to use, stream, share and download with 900 posts, all full of information that you are free to use in your situation, whether that's a church, or family, or just for your own personal use.
Andy 4:43
We've been asked to do all sorts of things. We've made logos for somebody who wanted a new logo for their blog. We've been asked to create a children's discipleship group, so we've done tha. We've been asked to create a book about Broken Dreams, and Hope! and we've done that as well. We love creating resources that are relevant for your situation, so get in touch with what your needs are.
Andy 5:03
Our vision, and our passion, is to create material that is family safe, For Free, For All, wherever you are in the world and that is exactly what we do. So, if you want to help us continue to do that, or if you want us to make something specific for your situation, then get in touch!
Jo 5:31
Welcome back to Marriage Matters, Let's Get Physical, Part 3. And this time, it is three isn't it? Yeah.
Andy 5:40
It is still Part 3.
Jo 5:42
So Part 3, we're looking at moods and feelings. So, there's the archetypal, isn't there, 'oh, I've got a headache', or finding different reasons why we might not be in the mood for sex. And so what are your thoughts on that Andy?
Andy 5:57
Well, first, it was a question, which is have you, I don't think you've ever done that, have you? You've never done the,' I've got a headache, I don't want sex.
Jo 6:03
Faked? I feel really bad because sometimes you do have a headache and you think, no, I'm not faking it. It's real. It's true. But no, I don't I don't think so. Because I think it's what we've said before isn't it, about being honest and open, and, and so, really, that's something else going on as well, isn't it? I mean, it might be that you're not in the mood, but you need to be honest about it really don't you.
Andy 6:22
Which I think we do quite well at.
Jo 6:23
Yeah. But yes, we can make excuses. I mean, obviously difficulties come. Health issues, children, you know, we have family, lots of different things that take up our time. But sometimes we can get into the habit, can't we and then sort of not, not be in the mood.
Andy 6:42
We almost fall out of the habit don't we? I think it's interesting. You know what? You shouldn't be forcing yourself to have sex! However, as with many other things, sometimes you need to go through the motions, even if you're not in the mood for it. And that includes things like exercise. If you need to go for a run, and it's important to go exercise, you may not feel in the mood so what do you do you? You put your trainers on. You put your shorts on. You get out the door, and you, 'okay, I'll go running'. And, actually, that's not a bad analogy for sometimes when we're not really in the mood for making love. Actually, you, you just need to start getting into it.
Andy 7:13
There's this Hollywood myth, I mean, you, Hollywood's hilarious, isn't it! The archetypal sex scene in a Hollywood movie, where we normally turn off, is they're both ready to go. And here we're off and, you know, it just doesn't work that way in, in normal life. In married life, it's not boring, either. But actually, it's not quite like that. But I think we need to look at the mood and the feelings. And the problem with feelings is if we allow our actions to be led by our feelings, we can get into quite a lot of trouble, because our feelings lie.
Andy 7:44
I use this all the time, this illustration, however, we have our dinner, we see the dessert, we're full, we eat it, because we want more, and we get halfway through the pudding and then think 'I can't eat anymore', because our feelings lie to us. And it's no different with our emotions. They're really, really good as a thermometer. You know, how do I feel? Well it's a great way of thinking, how how am I doing? How am I processing this? But we have to be really careful that our feelings don't overrule our actions. And, actually, that scripture should never ever, ever be used as 'the Bible says we shouldn't stop having sex So you must have sex with me', okay? If you're doing that you're just out of line, you're wrong. Go and get yourself sorted. Go and speak to your pastor and get some counselling, 'cos that's the wrong attitude. However, there is something to be said for going through the motions.
Andy 8:24
So the stereotype would be the wife, 'oh I'm just not in the mood'. You know, 'Why are you making love?', 'oh, I just don't feel like it'. And, actually, I don't feel like it isn't actually a good reason not to make love because it's not about forcing yourself, and going against your will. It's about understanding that for a wife more so than a man, perhaps, but not necessarily completely, feeling in the mood actually comes after you get into doing. So you may not feel like making love. But, actually, that comes from doing. In the same way as going for a run, you may not feel like it, but as you start to go, you think, 'Oh, I feel quite, quite good now'. And the benefits of a healthy sex life in a, in a marriage, for husband and wife, it's, there are many. So, actually, there's a good reason to have it. Paul reminds us not to stop unless it's for a short time, and only for prayer, so we need to be careful not to allow our moods to get in the way.
Andy 9:13
And actually I remember really clearly, when we were first married, you read the book by Stormie Omartin and, and you shared this with me, and I thought was fascinating, 'cos I didn't understand this stuff. We were newlyweds and this was all new. But you said what what she was talking to the wives was, you may not feel in the mood, but go off and pray. So what you would do if I wanted to, to make love, and you weren't in the mood, you'd go into the bathroom, you'd spend a bit of time in prayer and then you come back and you'd be wanting to make love. So prayer is a really key part of this!
Jo 9:42
Yeah, actually, that's a good point. I'd forgotten I used to do that. Yeah, moods and feelings are slightly different. Like moods, you can have, get a mood on, can't you, and it can go for a length of time. And that's what we're saying. You can get out of the habit of making love, and then it becomes the norm. But feelings, yeah, they are good for the monitors but you know, we, we, we need to be careful that they don't rule our lives.
Andy 10:04
Absolutely.
Jo 10:05
'Cos I mean, at the end of the day, marriage is about loving one another. And you can't always feel love can you?
Andy 10:11
No.
Jo 10:11
It is a commitment, isn't it? And it's a promise. And there is a commitment to make love in that relationship.
Andy 10:18
Interestingly, one of the things I heard a long time ago. I wish I remembered who said this, because it was quite good. But they were talking about how, when you get married, there's all sorts of things that happen. 'There's a legal contract. There's the ceremony and all this, you know, starting of a life'. But they said, 'You need to understand', this is to husbands and wives thinking of their other other half, not a great phrase, but whatever. 'When you get married, you're opening up sexual desire'. Youe read about that in the Song of Songs, and, and the wife to be pleads with her friends don't awaken sexual desire before it's time. We've done an episode on that. But, what's interesting is, once it's opened up, the only person I can get my satis, sexual satisfaction from is you, and vice versa.
Andy 10:59
So, when you say no to sex, or I say no to sex, actually we're saying, 'Well, you might need sexual satisfaction, but you ain't getting it from me'. And actually, where else can you go? You shouldn't be going anywhere else! And, again, this isn't a way of saying, 'Well, you know, this is what it says, so we have to have sex'. That's that's not the point! You don't use the 1 Corinthians 7as a baseball bat. But you do need to understand it as Paul is saying, 'Look, if you stop having intimacy for too long, you are allowing all sorts of problems to come in between you because now the enemy is going to tempt you', which is what the scripture says, and I think the other thing is, don't get legalistic about this as well! Because having sex is a great part of marriage! But there's plenty of times when you can't. So that doesn't, in some way, nullify the marriage as not good, because you can't make love. We're not talking about that.
Andy 11:49
As ever, in Marriage Matters, we're looking at what's, what's God's best, as we understand it? What's His desire for us. And his desire for us isn't to have a sexless marriage, but it's to be intimate with one another in seasons.
Andy 12:00
There's plenty of seasons where you won't be able to have, almost any physical contact. Perhaps you're away for a year, because you're fighting in the military. Or you've got a sales job, you're away for four nights a week, you come back, you just want to go to sleep in your own bed. There's, there's loads of reasons that can get in the way. But, but what we're always trying to say is, let's not allow moods and feelings to be an excuse.
Jo 12:19
Yeah, that's what we were talking about, getting into bad habits, wasn't it really. And I think what we were doing with Marriage Matters is placing the importance of, of developing your marriage, growing together, and this is part of that. It's part that. It's just as much a part of, you know, you have date night or you know, just spending quality time together. I mean, date night could be a time of making love.
Andy 12:41
It could be.
Jo 12:41
Couldn't it! It'd be like, right, let's, let's do this!
Andy 12:44
I said this before, there's nothing wrong with planning spontaneity! Because what you're doing is playing a protected time, within which you can be free.
Jo 12:52
Yeah. But I mean, again, it's about prayer, it's about talking things through. 'Cos if, you know, it might be if you haven't got a libido, you know, haven't got a sex drive, or it's lower, there could be some medical condition.
Andy 13:03
Oh yeah.
Jo 13:03
It could be, you know, stress can really, you know, mess with your, your ability to make love. You know, tiredness, and other kinds of
Andy 13:12
physical ailments
Jo 13:13
Could be just a
Andy 13:14
children's seasons, you've got the inlaws living with you. You know, there's so much!
Jo 13:17
Vitamin deficiency.
Andy 13:18
Yes.
Jo 13:19
It could be really simple. And so it's worth sort of talking that through, praying it through, working it out, not just just accepting it I s'pose, not expect it, accepting the status quo and thinking, 'Oh, well', because it's important. God wants us to make love. So it's important, isn't it? And it does help. And we've been talking about the benefits, haven't we, of a, of a healthy sex life in marriage.
Andy 13:40
I think the other little element of this is, there's lots of obstacles to finding a way of being regularly, or frequently, whatever, physically intimate, there's loads of obstacles. And what we're saying is, there are some that we can easily get away, we can just deal with. Some obstacles you've got to climb over them, you've got to go around them, you've got to blow up out the way. Others you just walk through,
Jo 14:02
Yeah
Andy 14:03
actually. There's some obstacles we, we just need to overcome.
Jo 14:06
Yeah,
Andy 14:06
and deal with and don't allow things that we can easily deal with to become excuses.
Jo 14:12
Yeah. So we've done really well, actually. We've done moods and feelings, I think. I mean, we could talk about it a lot longer. But I think we, we've got time to talk about vulnerability.
Andy 14:22
Vulnerability.
Jo 14:22
The importance of it.
Andy 14:23
Why is vulnerability important? Well, here's the thing. I remember J Parker talking about this very well, from Hot, Holy and Humorous. And she said, the thing for a woman is she's always gonna have more vulnerability, because in the physical act of intimacy, of intercourse, the man is actually entering inside to the woman's body. You can't be any more vulnerable than that. And she talks about the importance of, you know, vulnerability and, and compassion and love, and feeling safe, and all the rest of it. But, actually, when you break it down into the sort of physical side of it, it's it's quite a vulnerability for, for a wife to open up to a husband in that way.
Andy 14:57
But I mean, how does how does vulnerability work for you if we're not getting on very well? You, you don't feel safe do you!
Jo 15:03
No, you don't.
Andy 15:03
It's not about you know, hostile, angry, violent, physically afraid. It's not that. It's if you're not feeling mentally and emotionally safe, because you've had an argument, then the two of you aren't, aren't really gonna be connecting all that well.
Jo 15:16
No.
Andy 15:17
So, it's not about, oh, okay, you know, physical violence. We're not doing the bad stuff, we're sticking on what's God's best.
Jo 15:17
The positive, yeah.
Andy 15:22
But, you know, you need to feel safe to be vulnerable. And the more vulnerable you are, the better it gets. And this is why it's so hard for people who've gone through a divorce and remarried. We're not going into, is divorce, good or ba? Different conversation! But if you've remarried, it can be really hard to feel vulnerable again, because everything within you, as a human, is gonna want to protect yourself from ever being hurt again. But the really good stuff happens through vulnerability. But that's where Jesus Christ comes in, and helps us to forgive them and move forwards.
Jo 15:50
Yeah, we do no need help. And I always think that when you are married, you've got God at the centre. And this stuff isn't easy. I mean, you know, you're sort of laying your life to your, you know, your other half.
Andy 16:02
I mean literally, physically, you know.
Jo 16:03
Yeah, laying everything bare. Yeah, and so it, it, it can be difficult, especially like we've talked about people coming with baggage, and different attitudes, and different ways. And, like you say, one might be in the mood and one might not be. That can can be difficult. But yeah, it is a vulnerable place to be. But in that vulnerability brings about something really precious, very special.
Andy 16:26
And when you think about the fact that we, Jo is my bride, but we are Jesus's bride, it's a really good metaphor to try and understand that a little bit. But, actually, the vulnerability that Jo has, to me, is a really great illustration for how vulnerable I need to be to Jesus Christ. So actually if I'm thinking, how does my relationship with God need to look like? I look at how Jo responds to me. Because when she's been really safe, and comfortable, and I'm being the husband I should be before God, everything gets better. But, actually, it's a really great illustration of what our life with Jesus Christ needs to be like. How vulnerable we need to be with Him. And, in that vulnerability, the good stuff happens!
Jo 17:05
Yeah, it's not easy, is it?
Andy 17:07
No, no.
Jo 17:07
It's not easy, and our go to is 'I can do this by myself, I'm independent'. And then like you say, arguments come in. And it isn't easy. But it's God's best for us to submit to each other, isn't it in a sense, and that's what you say, like we submit to God. And we learn so much about our relationship with God, in marriage, 'cos it's
Andy 17:29
Remove the obstacles that get in the way, the easy ones. Like clothes is a good one. I mean, let's get honest about this. Clothes do get in the way, not all the time. But, you know, there are easy things that we can remove in order for us to be more easily vulnerable with each other. Carving out time that's safe. A door wedge under your door, if you've got children. Maybe a big, heavy, dressing gown behind the door, just in case. There are things that make us feel safe. And things like that can help. A lock on your door, you know, you'll feel safe. Shall we take a break?
Jo 17:59
Yes.
Steven 18:06
So, Endurance, wait, no, first I'm Steven.
Nathan 18:09
I'm Nathan.
Steven 18:10
And we're brothers actually.
Nathan 18:12
Yeah, in case you hadn't noticed. I mean, I know the much more masculine physique on this side may have thrown you off.
Steven 18:21
Yeah, I'm actually older.
Nathan 18:23
Yep.
Steven 18:23
Taller. Stronger. Fitter.
Nathan 18:26
Maybe?
Steven 18:27
No, definitely.
Nathan 18:30
Anyway, that's not the point of Endurance. It's Spiritual Training, not physical.
Steven 18:33
Yep, yep.
Nathan 18:34
Not that, we, obviously, we don't compete that much.
Steven 18:37
Nor spiritually. You shouldn't compete spiritually either.
Nathan 18:39
No.
Steven 18:40
No.
Nathan 18:40
But I am better than you.
Steven 18:41
I don't know what to say to that.
Nathan 18:45
There is no, no answer!
Steven 18:47
So, the point of Endurance is all about wanting
Nathan 18:50
To take the mick out of each other.
Steven 18:51
It's all about 1e Timothy 4, verse 8, which says,
Steven 18:55
"Physical training is good, but training for godliness is much better."
Steven 18:59
So it was an idea which, I think it was my idea actually, wasn't it?
Nathan 19:04
It was a joint effort. There's no I in team.
Steven 19:07
Yes, so it was definitely my idea.
Nathan 19:08
Yeah.
Steven 19:08
And the idea being that we have to, well I was challenged, because basically I enjoy exercise. I was doing lots of weight training, lots of running and I was getting a bit onsessive.
Nathan 19:19
You were failing to train spiritually.
Steven 19:22
Yeah, you could say that I was idolising physical fitness.
Nathan 19:25
So we created Endurance to help him learn better how to balance spiritual and physical training.
Steven 19:32
Yeah, basically. Ok.
Nathan 19:35
'Cos I've already cracked it.
Steven 19:37
No, no!
Nathan 19:39
No?
Steven 19:39
You've go a long way to go yet. So go check us out.
Nathan 19:45
I can see it like the end of the tunnel. I mean, you're way beyond.
Steven 19:49
Cut!
Andy 20:03
And we're back. We're back for Tips and Resources. I miss me cold. Well, I don't miss me cold, but it sounded better when I said tips with a cold. So Tips and Resources. We're doing the same things every week. Not because we're lazy, but these are really good resources! So, in no particular order, we've got the message of the Song of Songs by Tom Gledhill. If you want to understand more about the language, and the depth, and the richness of the Song of Songs, that's great. Hot, holy and Humerous, by J Parker. A really good book. She goes through some real basics of, of intercourse, basically. The physiology, biology, all that kind of stuff. Important. You know, if you're particularly a wife, which is who she writes for, and you're not quite sure how the whole thing works with your husband, then that's a really great book. It's just honest, kind of coffee table time stuff isn't. A couple. CJ Mahaney and Carolyn Mahaney wrote feminine appeal. C J Mahaney wrote Sex, Romance and the glory of God. They are a couple who have done some some marriage ministry, and they're really good books. Very, very different. But really good resources to have on your on your bedside table, your night stand, and get some resources in.
Jo 21:09
There's, yeah, there's all sorts of things you could do to, you know, help your marriage and reading some books. I know people go on marriage courses, and stuff. But, you know, just sitting down and reading about it, and not rushing through it, but just taking it in. And those books are really good, aren't they for that?
Andy 21:24
They're very good.
Jo 21:24
So Tips and Resources, yep. Books, Song of Songs, of course.
Andy 21:28
Read the Song of Songs together, or listen to it.
Jo 21:32
That's a good idea.
Andy 21:32
You can get the, you know, various apps and there's various places you can go and listen to it.
Jo 21:35
Yeah. And what we've been talking about is the importance of prayer, obviously. So praying together. If there is an issue, if you are finding that you're not both wanting to make love. Either both of you, or one of you, then sort of talk it through. But pray it through, and work out what, what might be, be able to be done about it, because it's important, and it's healthy, and it's good! So, you know, we know that you can't always make love. And there'll be times when you can't but, like you say, if there's something, a barrier, that you can lift, then then do it, yeah.
Andy 22:05
And some of these things are really easy to get out of the way. You know, clean bedding can be a little thing. I'm much happier going to bed with clean bedsheets. You know, if I haven't changed them for a little while, then that's a turn off to me to be honest. So, there's always gonna be stuff that gets in the way.
Andy 22:19
Are we too tired? Are there physical issues going on? You know, have we had a really busy season? Are we under financial strain? I mean, making love can be a great stress reliever. But,
Jo 22:28
Yeah,
Andy 22:29
it can be the best thing. And it can be the last thing you wanna do. So, all we're saying is, just have a think through your own marriage. Are there simple barriers that you can remove? For example, I did, I said this before the break, but sticking a door wedge under your door might provide that level of safety, and security, that you feel more able to express your love to one another 'cos the kids can't run in. Our children can come into our room, but they also know that it's a door they don't ever enter, they they knock first, you know. We've taught them respect for our space, as we have respect for their's. And that's something that isn't necessarily going to happen with a 3 year old. Ours are a bit older. But there are things you can do to create those safe spaces.
Andy 23:09
We've always tried to set our bedroom up as a you know, not an adult only zone, 'cos that's a bit daft!. The boys come through for showers and stuff in the ensuite. But, you know, it's a room that they have respect for because it's where we sleep. And we have respect for their rooms. And that respect helps. But when they were younger, a dressing gown behind the door, or a door wedge, provides a lot of security, at very low cost if you can't stick a door lock on.
Jo 23:31
Yeah, taking away those barriers to being able to be relaxed and enjoy, enjoying each other's company.
Andy 23:37
Relaxed is important for husbands and wives, it doesn't matter which you are. Don't ever think that wives want sex less than men. That may be perhaps more normal, but it's not, it's not exclusively true either. There's plenty of wives who, what we would call higher drives, so they want to have a greater frequency of sex than their husbands and vice versa. So, I think the other resource is don't get stuck into stereotypes, and don't ever look at Hollywood for what's supposed to happen.
Jo 24:01
No!
Andy 24:01
Because, I mean, it's hilarious to watch from a funny point of view, but I don't think they're making it comedically.
Jo 24:05
No.
Andy 24:07
Do you want us to take a break?
Jo 24:07
Yes.
Andy 24:10
I was asked to record a video and write a book by a friend. He'd seen so many people with broken dreams, just hopeless about the life they were living, and the life before them. So I wrote a book. It's my very first book is called Broken Dreams, and Hope! It's based on my own life, some struggles that I've had and the fact that, through those struggles, however bad they were, whether they were caused by me, or caused against me, throughout all of that there was still hope!
Andy 24:41
Let me just read a few things that people who've read this book already have said.
Andy 24:45
"It's a page turner with each chapter leaving you wanting to read just one more."
Andy 24:49
"You gave the reader motivation to look up and grab the hand that can lift you up on your feet, and walk you through life's muddy mire. And I love the way You spoke of hurts and abuse, but never going into details that would have robbed the reader of their own inward pains and ability to take hold of the Lord's extended hand, the hand that will never let go."
Andy 25:12
Broken Dreams, and Hope! is a book I wrote because I know what it is to have broken dreams. I know what it is to feel hopeless. But I also know what it is to have hope. Because that hope has a name. And that name is Jesus Christ.
Andy 25:42
And welcome back for the Take Away. The Take Away, the bit that makes me hungry. So, this is where we get a little time to recap what we've talked about. And I'm going to start by telling you that next week, we've got part four.
Jo 25:56
Yes.
Andy 25:58
Because there's too much more to say that we haven't had time to say, and we're speaking really faster than we should do, and there's so much more that we want to do and cover. So there'll be a Part 4. So, yes. What have you learned, or have you relearned, or what's struck you that you're taking away today?
Jo 26:15
I think the scripture that talk ,encourages us to make love, to say don't give up making love. Don't give up
Andy 26:23
Yes.
Jo 26:23
having time together like that. And I think oh, wow, in the Scripture, it's encouraging us. All the bad stuff around. All the negative things about sex. And, in the Bible, there it is, keep doing it!
Andy 26:33
Yeah. It's interesting, isn't it? Because you look around Hollywood. I always make the joke about this. But Hollywood will tell you that, you know, marriage is boring. And married sex is really boring. And, you know, you're never gonna have it, and it's just not going to happen. There's frustrated husbands, and it's all a load of rubbish actually. It's a construct that isn't necessarily true! Doesn't need to be true!! And after 25 years of being married to you, I can say our sex life has done nothing but improve. Which it would do because we get lots of practice.
Jo 27:00
Yeah.
Andy 27:01
Being blunt. But if you keep on doing something, you get better at it. It's not complicated!
Jo 27:06
Yeah. We've covered moods and feelings.
Andy 27:09
Yes.
Jo 27:09
And we were sort of talking about the importance of not letting the moods and feelings stop us from having sex, really, isn't it? And so we've given some tips about that about praying and stuff haven't we. So, what's your Take Away?
Andy 27:21
My Take Away? I think it's the reminder that feelings can affect us in really, really strong ways. But actually, God is kind of egging us on. He's rooting for us to have sex. And, and it's that reminder that. I dunno, it's just striking me, I suppose, for some reason. But it's just that there are plenty of things that can get in the way, but there are plenty of obstacles we can easily remove.
Andy 27:45
And I think sort of a second part to that, for me, would be remembering that sex is important. But, actually, vulnerability is a part of that. And, sort of, it's helping me to remember those times when, actually, we felt very safe as a couple. And again, we're not talking about safe from physical violence, we're talking about safe 'cos we can shut the door, and the children can't run in, and that, that creates a feeling of safety, and, and helps us to be more vulnerable. And I think the other part is a reminder that when you're vulnerable to me, I'm reminded about how I need to be vulnerable to Jesus, as you are. And that's quite a, quite a passionate, a powerful thing really.
Jo 28:28
Yeah, in the beginning God made, you know, man and woman, and they were naked, like.
Andy 28:33
God made Adam and Eve and didn't make clothes!
Jo 28:36
Yeah, and then now we've we have that. That can be an obstacle can't it so remove that..
Andy 28:42
There are obstacles you can remove, and maybe clothes might be one of them.
Jo 28:45
Yeah.
Andy 28:46
We're not suggesting you walk around the house naked. That may be inappropriate. However, if you're on your own, why not?
Jo 28:52
Yeah.
Andy 28:53
Makes life a lot easier!
Jo 28:54
Yeah, so doing things to help each other to keep going just like date nights, and stuff like that, you know, keep, keep, keep it going, when you can, and how you can, and where it's right for you as a couple.
Andy 29:06
I'm remembering seasons when we couldn't.
Jo 29:07
Yeah.
Andy 29:08
Two monthss last year, when I had some issues in my heart. When we were first married we fell out with each other quite badly for about 6 months. you know, there's seasons where it goes wrong. Either because of health issues, because of age, because you've got, you're living with the in laws, or they're with you. Or you've got major stresses 'cos you're trying to renovate a house and it's all collapsing around you. And there's plenty of reasons that are gonna get in the way. But I think our, our general point today is simply this. Remove the obstacles that are in the way that are easy to remove.
Jo 29:36
Yeah.
Andy 29:37
There's plenty of complicated ones that you can't, so get rid of the ones you can.
Jo 29:40
Yeah, simple!
Andy 29:43
So, there you go. Marriage Matters. Part 4 next week, Let's get physical. Have a look through those resources and we will see you again very, very soon for more Marriage Matters awesomeness. Because matters of the marriage are important, because marriage matters. So we're gonna discuss more matters of the marriage 'cos marriage matters.
Jo 30:01
Marriage yeah.
Andy 30:02
So, thanks for joining us. My name is Andy.
Jo 30:03
And I'm Jo.
Andy 30:04
And I'm still Andy. So have a good time, and we will see you very soon, again, for the last one of the season, our season finale. Thanks for joining us.
Jo 30:13
Bye for now.
Andy 30:13
Bye for now
Jo 30:20
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Andy 31:03
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